Traffic in Old Time Radio

The Open Road is an incredibly romantic touchstone of American Culture. Few ideas are as appealing as having a powerful car, cheap fuel, time to explore whatever is around the next bend in the road, and the freedom to simply push the throttle pedal all the way to the floor. Unfortunately, that freedom does not happen as often as we would like. The simple reality is that we have obligations at home and work which keep us from hitting the open road and cheap gas is something only our grandparents remember. The most frustrating condition is that the open road is less and less open.

All Americans seem to be going somewhere, and for some reason, they all seem to be headed the same direction you are, and all along the same stretch of road! It is axiomatic that every driver feels they are the best and safest driver on the road, and therefore traffic would not be as bad if everyone else would "learn to drive as well as I do". Traffic problems have less to do with the competence of drivers (or lack of the same) and more with the number of drivers on the road.

As traffic volume increases, congestion becomes inevitable. Traffic managers study fluid dynamics to understand how multiple vehicles move together down the road and have discovered the importance of "butterfly effects". Fluid dynamicists studying weather patterns often use elements of chaos theory which states that even the wind from a single butterfly's wings can affect, however minutely, the formation of tornadoes days or weeks later. A butterfly effect in traffic flow occurs when one driver slows or swerves and the drivers behind him react, increasing congestion and eventually developing into a full-blown traffic jam.

Of course, there are human factors as well as mathematical ones involved in traffic conditions, which is the reason traffic cops are needed. If all motorists were as good at driving as they think they are, traffic cops would have nothing to do.

• Calling All Cars, January 4, 1937, CBS Pacific/Don Lee Network, "Banks and Bribes". The episode is about a 1929 bank robbery at 20th Place and Figueroa, but L.A. police chief James E. Davis takes the opportunity to talk about the rising rate of traffic fatalities in Los Angeles.
• Columbia Workshop, December 21, 1941, CBS, "Miracle in Manhattan". Traffic can even put a damper on the Christmas spirit, especially for a cab driver who has to deal with it day in and day out and the radio plays nothing but "Silent Night", even the horns and whistle of the cars blend into the tune. Charles Gardner, "Archie the bartender" from Duffy's Tavern, puts on a terrific performance as the cab driver.
• The Great Gildersleeve, April 11, 1943, CBS. Gildy is expecting a ride from Judge Hooker but he is late for a meeting with the Mayor. Since he cannot wait, he backs his car out of the driveway, and into Judge Hooker's car.
• Our Miss Brooks, June 23, 1948, CBS. In the audition program, Connie is anxious to get to school early because the new principal, Osgood Conklin, is arriving. As she is riding to school that morning in her student's jalopy they run into a big touring car, the car which is the pride and joy of Osgood Conklin!
• Dragnet, July 14, 1949, NBC, "The Red Light Bandit", Friday and Romero are after a crook who has a red spotlight in a series of stolen cars which he uses to trick his victims into thinking he is a cop before he savagely attacks. Could it be the ex-con they sent up ten years ago? Some convicts set their lives straight after a long stretch, but others go sour.
• The Life of Riley, October 13, 1950, NBC. The Riley's finally buy their own automobile, opening a new frontier of freedom for the whole family, except that no one has a driver's license. Chester is determined to pass the test, but both Peg and Babs get their licenses first. Somehow, Riley has their first accident, though.
• Fibber McGee and Molly, April 22, 1952, NBC, sponsored by PET Milk. While shopping at the Bon Ton, Molly leaves the car parked in a one-hour zone for an hour and ten minutes, so the traffic cop is waiting for her with a ticket. She is willing to pay the $5 fine, Fibber wants to fight it in traffic. Is Fibber qualified to practice law? Well, he has seen a lot of movies.
• The Phil Harris and Alice Faye Show, November 27, 1953, NBC, "The Traffic Problem in Los Angeles or Dante's Inferno". Phil and Elliot Lewis are determined to do something about the traffic which keeps the girls late from school, so they try to paint a new crosswalk across Ventura Blvd. Naturally, they wind up in traffic court, and the judge is Julius Abruzzio.
• Adventures in Research, December 7, 1954, Westinghouse Syndication. In the horse and buggy days, the biggest hazard to traffic was bad roads, which were the often the responsibility of rural property owners to maintain themselves. As more people bought those new-fangled cars, there seemed to be a traffic jam at every corner. The first traffic light was installed in Cleveland, Ohio, in 1914, but they had a long way to go before actually improve traffic.
• Fibber McGee and Molly, December 12, 1954, NBC. The Wistful Vista town council offered a $25 prize for the best traffic safety slogan and Fibber's entry wins! The problem is that it's not Fibber's slogan, it's from a confused note Molly wrote to pay the electric bills.

See also: Birdbrains Behind the Wheel, Vacations in Old Time Radio, Open Road Collection, and Highway of Horrors.